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I am learning to accept my reality

I woke up in the middle of the night to discover I was bleeding. My second menstrual cycle in one month, sigh, and let out a big growl and went back to bed. As I was settling in my bed, I noticed my impulse to look at my phone, and did the opposite. I decided to take my own advice and practice bilateral nostril breathing, just to discover my left nostril blocked up, so I let out a loud hiss, and just focused on breathing. As I was practicing my breathing exercise, I noticed the unsettling of my body. My chest was buzzing and I was weighed down by the thought “I will not fall back to sleep, and I have a long work day ahead of me.” My thought was informed by evidence unfortunately, so I could challenge my way out of this belief. Instead, I decided to do something different, I told myself softly “I desire sleep and I am awake right now”. I repeated myself a few times, each time breathing in and out for the count of 4, and I eventually fell asleep. When my alarm went off, I reflected back on the events of my night, and wrote it down. What was different this time? Ah, I did not try to change. I did try to fight reality. I simply stated my desire, which was really a need, and I noticed what was true in the moment. I am learning to accept my reality.

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