At Ancestral Memory Therapy, we believe that healing is not an isolated journey. It is a collaborative, relational process, one that requires spaces where we can show up in our full complexity without the pressure to conform.
That is why we are absolutely thrilled to welcome Nikki Tollenaar (she/they), Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying), to our practice!
Nikki brings a deeply compassionate, relational, and systemic lens to therapy. To celebrate her joining us, we sat down to reflect on what it truly means to build safe, affirming spaces for queer, trans, neurodivergent, and creative folks.
In therapy, “safety” is often talked about as a static destination. But for those of us who navigate the world outside of normative expectations, whether due to our gender, sexuality, or neurodivergence, safety is something actively co-created.
Nikki’s practice is built on the understanding that safety isn’t just about being tolerated; it’s about being deeply understood.
“Our work often centers on creating more space for authenticity, connection, and belonging, in relationships, community, and within the wider webs of care that sustain us.”
In a world that constantly asks marginalized folks to mask, dim their light, or fit into rigid boxes, Nikki’s therapeutic space is an invitation to unpack that heavy burden.
Many of the folks Nikki supports are deeply self-reflective, growth-oriented, and creative. Yet, they often find themselves feeling stuck, repeating familiar relational loops, or feeling chronically exhausted.
If you have ever found yourself…
- Slipping automatically into caretaking roles and prioritizing everyone else’s needs over your own,
- Relying on humour, distraction, or intellectualization to get through uncomfortable moments,
- Feeling a deep longing for connection, but experiencing a freeze response when intimacy gets close…
…Nikki wants you to know: These are not personal failures. They are well-earned survival strategies.
Often, these relational patterns are brilliant adaptations to early attachment wounds, parentification (being the emotional caretaker of your family too early), emotional neglect, or chronic shame. Together with Nikki, you can gently honour these protective strategies for how they kept you safe in the past, while gradually making space for new, more liberating ways of connecting.
Who Nikki Works With
Nikki is passionate about walking alongside:
- Queer, Trans, and Gender-Diverse Folks navigating identity, transition, and community.
- Neurodivergent Individuals looking for a neurodiversity-affirming space that doesn’t try to “fix” their natural ways of being.
- Creatives and Artists navigating the unique pressures, blocks, and lifestyles of creative work.
- Those Healing from Relational Trauma who want to break free from people-pleasing, emotional neglect, and ancestral patterns that no longer serve them.
Whether you are looking to untangle old patterns, navigate a major life transition, or simply want a therapist who gets it without you having to explain the basics of queer or neurodivergent culture, Nikki is here to support you.
Nikki is currently accepting new clients for virtual therapy.
Ready to begin? You can book a consultation or initial session with Nikki directly on our booking page:
👉 Book an Session with Nikki on JaneApp
Please join us in giving Nikki a warm welcome to the Ancestral Memory Therapy community!