The Pottery Workshop That Altered My Orientation
Last month, I went to a pottery workshop facilitated by the amazing Danny Meisinger. Observing the participants asking questions about his technique, I saw something interesting. Practically every question posed was asked in terms of seeking a rule:
“How many pounds of clay should I use?”
“How long do you let the clay dry?”
“How can I pull the clay to its maximum height?”
Each time, he answered the questions with a slight grin and a cheeky response, and encouraged questions that would prompt critical thinking.
“What do you believe would be best for your work?”
“How does the clay feel in your hand, and what is happening in your environment?”
“What does the clay want to do?”
His method wasn’t about holding back information, it was empowering each artist to develop a relationship with their clay. By avoiding the tendency to spoon-feed answers, he left room for creativity, problem-solving, and self-transformation.
Walking away from the workshop, I was struck by how frequently we reach for outside rules to feel safe, particularly in healing. What if some of these rules hold us in stagnation rather than protect us?
The Problem with Strict Guidelines in Mental Health
Through my experience as a trauma therapist, I regularly observe how inflexibility in thinking perpetuates suffering. Clients tend to maintain unconscious “rules” they had developed to survive some past trauma but now hinder personal growth:
“I always have to be tough, therefore I cannot be vulnerable.”
“If I’m not perfect, I’m a failure.”
“The world isn’t safe, therefore I always need to watch my back.”
These beliefs work like invisible restrictions, holding the nervous system stuck in survival mode. The solution isn’t additional rules—it’s mental flexibility, the capacity to shift, inquire, and think anew.
What Neuroscience Has to Say About Mental Flexibility
Mental flexibility is not a psychological abstraction—it’s a neurological mechanism. We know from research that:
1. The Prefrontal Cortex (PFC) Has a Central Role
The prefrontal cortex, the area for executive functioning, enables us to weigh alternatives, manage emotions, and change our point of view. Trauma can impair PFC function, making it increasingly difficult to overcome black-and-white thinking. Critical thinking activities—such as challenging automatic thinking—make this area stronger.
2. It Impairs the Default Mode Network (DMN)
DMN stands for the brain’s autopilot mode, where repetitive thinking and rumination flourish. Critical thinking makes the brain shift from passive loops to active problem-solving, curbing anxiety and overthinking.
3. Neuroplasticity Makes Change Possible
The brain rewires itself according to what we practice. If we practice strict rules, brain pathways become rigid. However, when we practice curiosity and flexibility, we create resilience.
How to Develop Mental Flexibility in Daily Life
1. Replace “What’s the Rule?” with “What’s Possible?”
Rather than seeking outside confirmation, ask:
- “How might I do this in three different ways?”
- “What feels right for me, in this circumstance?”
2. Challenge Your “Shoulds”
Each time you find yourself thinking, “I should…”, stop and ask:
- “Who claims this is the only method?”
- “Is this belief really benefiting me?”
3. Practice the Acceptance of Uncertainty
Begin little:
- Take an alternate route to work.
- Try something new at a restaurant you enjoy.
- Let yourself settle into a decision rather than seeking reassurance right away.
4. Accept Imperfect Action
Perfection kills flexibility. Ask yourself:
- “How would ‘good enough’ appear in this instance?”
- “What can I discover by giving it a go, even if I don’t succeed?”
Final Thoughts: Healing Is Not About Reading a Script
Trauma tends to school us in the lesson that security emerges from control. Yet resilience resides in the ability to adapt—experiment, question, and trust our capacity to negotiate the unknown.
Similar to the pottery workshop of Danny, healing has no one “right” approach. It’s what occurs when we release stiff rules and allow ourselves to be curious, creative, and trusting of ourselves.
Where might you trade rigidity for curiosity today in your life?
Looking for a free worksheet to challenge rigid thinking patterns? Post a comment below, and I’ll email it to you!
